Introduction

I waited a month, to the day, after the bar exam to begin writing. Any earlier than that, and, well, I was too exhausted to begin it any earlier.

Since then I have gained about ten pounds, reconnected with my wife, and worked to reestablish a relationship with my two children. That may sound worse than it is, but, really, I was mentally and physically checked out from the family for quite some time. Most of the last three years, actually. Daddy missed a lot of his kids growing up, and that bothers the hell out of me.

The day I sat for the bar exam, I stepped on a scale. I weighed less than I did when I graduated high school. You think this summer was stressful? You’re god damn right it was stressful.

This writing I set about doing, as of this morning, is a 3,000 + word screed I banged out in two sittings. I have put together a blogspot page as I feel the need to share this with the outside world. As it stands currently, this is more of a cathartic exercise allowing me to organize, formulate, and hopefully defeat those things which give me nightmares. I’ll be working out the chunks into some coherent form (at least I hope) and creating blog posts over the coming weeks.

I have notes that will form the basis of this writing, scribbled on the back of law outlines, handwritten across sheets of loose leaf, scattered about the wreckage of my office. I am still uncovering them, in physical form and from the detritus of my conscious mind.

I spent a full day last week going through a bin of manila folders and an assortment of three inch binders, crammed with printouts, notes, my law outlines, the outlines of others, laminated quick reference guides, copies of multiple choice questions, practice essay questions, and a multitude of bar review materials. The bulk of it ended up in the recycling bin. I threw away so much shit. Three years of my life. It took several trips to the recycling bin to get it all out of the house.

Perhaps I need clarify what passes for a “full day” at this point in my life; it is the time between dropping my eldest off at kindergarten and my youngest at daycare before I reverse the process four and a half hours later and bring them back home again to make dinner and await the arrival of my wife after her day at the office.

That is what I can allot toward feeling sorry for myself and lamenting the choices made that led me through the last three years of law school, the bar exam, and to my present state of being. Or, some similar self-reflection and wonderment at just how I got to where I am now. What a long, strange trip its been.